I’m losing days with her. I’m losing nights with him. I can’t get out of bed when there’s no point.
Except, finally, there is a point. She’s the point. She’s everything and I still can’t. I’m missing precious moments and bits of life that I’ll never be able to get back. I’m relying on the goodness of others to keep everyone afloat. I can’t repay what’s being given to me but I can’t stop taking it either.
Nothing seems to help. Good habits. Bad Habits. New meds. Different meds. More of the other meds. It feels like there’s nothing left to try.
For some reason, I’ve turned back here. Because saying it publicly would be too hard. Because I’m too proud to admit how bad it is. Because I’m worried about hurting those who care about me. But mostly because I’m worried about being judged. For not loving what I’ve always wanted. For not being able to see the joy in it. For loving too softly.
slowly disintegrating friendships are like. i miss you. i love you. i wish so many good things for you. i wish for all the love u can get. i wish i was eating chaat with u rn. i hope we never meet again.
Yes I would do anything for you. No I can’t hold eye contact with you. I wish you goodness but I can’t be around to see it. I want you to miss me like I miss you. I love how you know me. I hate how you know me. I wonder if we’re thinking about each other at the same time. When did we become a thing of the past. Why are all of our memories from so long ago, why is our history the only thing we have in common. Your happiness heals. Your happiness hurts. I love you. I resent you.
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